So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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