You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
