I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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