nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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