I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
