When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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