I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
