we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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