I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
