i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
