Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
