He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
