They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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