Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
