Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drake has all the answers
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
