just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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