Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
