Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
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he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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