i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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