I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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