I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
