im holly from the hills drunk
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
