I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my poor anus
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
