YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
