I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
