dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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