Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
this just has baby written all over it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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