What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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