All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
