so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's get the cat blown out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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