gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
