Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
