everyone is single if you try hard enough
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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