that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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