YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
