Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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