But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
