Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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