I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
