I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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