I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
