I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
