they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
