I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
