some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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