good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
