She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
