I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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