you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize