I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
