I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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