So drunk its hurt
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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