im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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