This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
