It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
