Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
