I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
