Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
