May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
