I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I enjoy the company of your penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
