the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
