i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
