i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
