how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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