last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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