Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
