Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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