All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
