the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
