I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
