I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
