I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
